


lost love is sweeter when it's finally found

by ghosttotheparty



Category: SKAM (Netherlands), WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Dancing, Dissociation, First Kiss, First Meeting, M/M, POV Alternating, spacing out, takes place in utrecht, van der stoffels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:34:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26804458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghosttotheparty/pseuds/ghosttotheparty
Summary: Past lives couldn't ever hold me downLost love is sweeter when it's finally foundI've got the strangest feelingThis isn't our first time around- Past Lives, Børns
Relationships: Jens Stoffels/Lucas van der Heijden
Comments: 10
Kudos: 62





	1. something underneath these lights

Lucas’s fingers loosen around his arms as he watches Kes and Jayden disappear, weaving around and between people dancing until Lucas can’t see them anymore. He almost loses sight of them before they’re gone, both in dark shirts, blending in in between flashes of pulsing blue and pink and purple lights. Lucas doesn’t remember how they said goodbye, doesn’t remember if it was a _Later, dude_ , or a _Bye, Luc_ , or maybe a _Fuck you, man_ in response to his unresponsiveness the whole evening. 

He doesn’t know what his problem is tonight. 

It’s like there’s a fog in his brain. Everything seems slow, especially him. He doesn’t react to much that happens, to Kes’s or Jayden’s jokes, doesn’t respond to their questions about the girls around them. (How many questions they asked, he doesn’t know either.) Take slow, small sips from his beer, which he doesn’t finish, he finds himself zoning out, too many times to keep count, his eyes locked on a random bottle on a table, on spot on the wall, on a light pulsating and flashing. It’s like he’s watching everything through a virtual reality console, like nothing is really happening. When Jayden asks, “What’s your problem, dude?” with his brows drawn down, a hand tossed in the air, frustrated, it takes a second (or five) for Lucas to respond, a gentle shrug with a blank face. 

A part of him feel badly, even though he knows he can’t help it. He knows it’s not his fault. Most of his just feels lonely. He doesn’t even know how he would begin to explain it to his friends. 

But none of his friends are here now. He looks down at the table and sees that there isn’t anything on it, his own beer bottle in his hand, the dark fake wood of the table marked with wet circles, glinting under the lights. He wonders if they’ll be back, if they went out for a smoke, if they left in anger and would be back later. The thought makes him anxious, not knowing, but at the same time, he doesn’t care. 

The music is loud, but he doesn’t really process it. It sounds garbled, pulsing beats of bass blending together. He doesn’t understand the lyrics. 

He takes a deep breath, looking away from the table to the ceiling, to the walls, to the ground, to the crowd of people dancing. There’s a group of girls dancing together, all of them obviously tipsy, laughing as they spill splashed of drinks out of their plastic cups. Lucas smiles softly to himself, lifting the bottle and taking a sip. One of them has on a dark, mesh shirt, and Lucas has half a mind to cross the floor and ask where she got it. Not that he’d ever wear it. Not out at least, not in front of people he knows. It’s the kind of shirt he’d wear late at night in his room alone, to take pictures in, only to delete them later. The kind of shirt he’d wear under a hoodie that he’d take off after entering a bar he’s certain no one he knows would be at. The kind of shirt he’d hide at the bottom his drawers, the back of his wardrobe. The kind of shirt he loves. He gazes at the girl, dancing and singing with her friends, in envy for a second before looking away. 

His eyes scan the crowd before catching on someone. For a second, he thinks he recognises him. But he’s never seen him before. 

He’s beautiful, Lucas thinks go himself, watching him dance, swaying in time with the music that Lucas is only just beginning to really hear. His hair falls across his forehead in a gentle swoop, his eyes shut as he moves, his lips parted as he mouths along with the music. 

_Oh._

Lucas sets the bottle on the table, turning to face the boy, watching him in wonder.

_There you are._

The boy’s body turns in Lucas’s direction slightly, and his eyes drift open, his eyes glasses over, looking around the room aimlessly. Lucas watches him still, moving to the edge of his seat, suddenly feeling more solid, more real, than he’s felt all night. 

A jolt goes through his body when he realises the boy’s eyes are locked with his, the boy’s shoulders still swaying, his eyes still glassy and shining, reflecting the neon lights. He gives Lucas a half-smile, a slight, familiar smile that Lucas almost recognises. Lucas smiles back, and the boy jerks his head, beckoning him into the crowd, and Lucas’s smile grows as he pushes himself up, forgetting his beer exists, forgetting his worries about his friends, forgetting everything except this boy and his eyes. 

Lucas is standing in front of him, just a few inches away, swaying along with him, grinning and the boy raises his eyebrows, his eyes travelling up and down Lucas’s body, his tongue slipping across his bottom lip. Lucas lets himself go. He lets himself dance, the way he has always wanted to when attending parties, the way he never allowed himself to. He twirls when the boy reaches out and grabs his hand, pulling it above his head and spinning him. Lucas can hear him laugh over the music and it makes his heart sing. 

Lucas’s eyes close at some point, still smiling as they move together, Lucas’s back pressed against his chest, the boy’s hands against his waist before slipping down his arms, their fingers twisting around around each other. 

When they’re facing each other again, the boy leans down, pressing his cheek to Lucas’s so his mouth is close to his ear, and Lucas’s chest tightens, his heart nearly palpitating. 

“What’s your name?” the boy asks, loud enough for Lucas to hear over the music. 

Lucas almost laughs, remembering that they don’t know each other, so comfortable with him that it feels as though they’ve known each other for years. 

“Lucas,” he responds, and the boy pulls his head away, lifting Lucas’s hand to his mouth and pressing a kiss to the back of it. Lucas’s smile (which hasn’t gone away since they made eye contact) (he’s smiled more in the past few minutes than he’s smiled all day) grows. 

“I’m Jens,” he says, lifting his head back up, and his lips brush Lucas’s ear. He pulls back, looking into Lucas’s eyes, and Lucas looks back. He notices a mole next to his eye, and he suppressed the urge to reach out and touch it. (As well as the urge to run his fingers through his hair. It looks soft.) Everything about him feels so _familiar_. 

“Where are you from?” Lucas asks. 

“Antwerp.” His eyes are reflecting the lights of the club, purple and blue against dark brown that looks black. “Belgium.”

Lucas nods. 

“What are you doing here?” he asks. 

“Here, the club, or here, Utrecht?” Jens asks, a smile playing at his lips. 

Lucas rolls his eyes. 

“Both.” 

Jens looks back at him, looking like he’s pondering the question. 

“Dunno.”

“Have we met before?” Lucas asks, almost shouting so Jens can hear him, even though he knows they haven’t. Jens laughs, and Lucas marvels at the way the corners of his eyes crinkle up. 

“Not in this life.”

Lucas grins, and Jens’s fingers brush his. He spreads his fingers, letting Jens’s entwine with his, not breaking eye contact until Jens’s tongue sweeps across his bottom lip again. Lucas scans his face again, taking in every detail that makes him looks like a fucking painting. He notices a tiny gold hoop earring glinting under the light and he lets go of one of Jens’s hands, reaching up and touching it gently. 

The music keeps playing around them, people keep dancing and laughing and talking, but neither of them are paying attention anymore. Their bodies have stopped moving, the slight swaying slowing to a stop until they stand unmoving surrounded by a bustling, dancing crowd. Lucas’s hand slips into his hair, messing with it for a second, smiling fondly and Jens’s eyes flick back and forth between his, before sliding his hand down to his neck. 

“I know you,” he says, softly, almost to himself, and Jens leans down slightly, lifting a hand and placing it on Lucas’s waist, tugging him closer as Lucas pulls at his neck until their lips crash together. 

Lucas gasps, his hand tightening on Jens’s neck, and Jens lets go of his hand, grabbing his waist and pulling his closer as his teeth close on Lucas’s bottom lip. Jens’s hands clutch at the small of his back and Lucas slides his own hands up to his hair, pulling when Jens’s tongue slips into his mouth, tasting sweet. 

When they finally pull away, seconds or minutes or hours later, Jens is smiling broadly, his eyes still closed. Lucas slips his hands to his face, gently brushing over his cheekbones, gently touching the mole next to his eyes, smiling as he presses his palms to Jens’s cheeks, pulls him in and kisses him again. 

“Is it weird to say I’m in love with a guy I met twenty minutes ago?” Jens asks loudly when they part, furrowing his brows and cocking his head, and Lucas laughs out loud, wrapping his arms around his neck and kissing him quickly. 

“A little bit, yeah,” he says, and Jens begins to sway again, moving in time with the music Lucas has forgotten about.

Lucas forgets about other things too. 

He forgets about his friends, forgets about how lonely he feels even sitting at the same table as them. He forgets about the slowness of the world and his mind, about everything that worries him, everything that scares him. Everything important and unimportant. He forgets that his friends might still be in the same club at this moment, watching him dance with a kiss a boy, that he might have to explain to them. (Although he doesn’t know what or how he would explain. But he doesn’t worry about it.) 

Jens wraps his arms around Lucas’s waist and pull him in closer, rocking back and forth as Lucas presses a kiss to him cheek, closing his eyes and rocking with him, like they’re slow dancing. Somehow he knows that Jens’s eyes are closed too. His arms tighten around his neck, feeling Jens’s breath on his collarbone and shivering slightly even in the heat of the crowded club, feeling like Jens needs this just as much as he does.

He still feels the way he did before, still detached, still slow. But he’s never felt so real.


	2. something underneath these stars

Jens doesn’t know how long it is until he hears Lucas’s voice again, somehow almost quiet, surrounded by the deafening bass of club music. Lucas’s hand grasp the back of Jens’s neck and he pulls him down so he can put his lips close to his ear. 

He shouts something, but it blends with the music and Jens makes a confused face when he pulls away, so Lucas scrunches his nose (Jens feels like there’s glitter in his heart) before leaning back in. Jens can feel his breath on his ear when he speaks again. 

“Are you hungry? Do you wanna get food?” 

Jens grins excitedly at the prospect of a _date_ with this boy, this boy he’s never seen before but Jens could _swear_ he’s met before, he’s known for years. 

“Yeah,” he shouts so Lucas can hear him, and Lucas smiles back, grabbing Jens’s hand and turning away, pulling Jens behind him. They weave between people, shoulders bumping, jostling as people continue to dance. Jens usually does enjoy watching people dance at parties. He loves watching how peaceful they become, how careless they are as their hair flies around them with the music, how free they seem as they twirl with their friends, laughing and singing. He loves how effortless existing seems in these moments. 

Jens expects Lucas to lead him to the bar, but he follows Lucas to the exit, the sign glowing neon green above an open door the leads out to a nearly empty sidewalk. Lucas is still holding Jens’s hand, their fingers laced together tightly. It’s colder outside than in, the heat of moving bodies and alcohol dissipated into the cool, night air as they pass through the exit. 

“Do you like chips?” Lucas asks when they’re outside, turning and clutching Jens’s hand with both of his own. Jens likes his voice, hearing it at a normal volume, in the quiet for the first time. They can still hear the music from the club, though the thudding of the bass is muffled now. “I feel like you like chips.”

Jens cocks his head at him, smiling. 

“Have we met before?” 

Lucas laughs, tugging him in by his hand. 

“Come on, I know a place, I think you’ll like it.” 

Lucas is light on his feet, like there’s a pair of invisible wings keeping his lifted in the air, just enough to not be noticeable to passersby, to normal people, to people who aren’t magical. 

Jens ends up walking beside him, one hand linked with Lucas’s between them, the other stuffed into the pocket of his hoodie. Lucas’s thumb brushes over the skin on the back of Jens’s hand, softly and gently, leaving fairy dust in its path.

“So you never told me what you’re doing in Utrecht,” Lucas says, looking at him, raising his eyebrows. 

“A guy can’t visit a city randomly without reason?” 

Lucas snorts and squeezes his hand, looking forward again as they move down the sidewalk. The sky is dark, and Jens is just able to see stars when he squints, the glowing faint and obstructed by light pollution. 

“Just getting away, I guess,” he says after a few seconds, even though he wasn’t planning on saying anything at all. 

“From what?” Lucas asks softly. 

“Eh.” Jens gestures vaguely with his free hand before pushing it back into his pocket and Lucas laughs quietly. 

“Understandable.”

It’s quiet again. It feels like Lucas is waiting for him to continue. 

“It’s just…” He sighs, the air cool in his throat. He hadn’t been planning on telling anyone this, this struggle dancing around his head for a while, for the past few years. This struggle that’s made him push his friends away, made him anxious and irritable, made him desperate for some release, some loneliness. This struggle that made him just… hop on a train to another country, just for a break. This struggle that faded as he danced, as he danced with Lucas. As he kissed Lucas, as he holds Lucas’s hand. “A sexuality crisis that’s been brewing since I was fourteen.” He feels Lucas look at him. “And I think just…” Lucas waits, patiently. The gentle brush of his thumb over Jens’s hand speaks for him. _There’s no rush._ “Just general anxiety I guess. Feeling… weird.”

“I’m like that too,” Lucas says after a second, swinging their hands gently between them.

“Like what?”

“Anxious. About like... everything and nothing.”

Jens hums in agreement and squeezes his hand slightly.

“I’m–“ Lucas cuts himself off and Jens glances at him. His brows are furrowed at the space in front of them, focused and thinking. Jens waits, brushing his thumb over Lucas’s hand, listening to distant traffic and music, to city sounds that sound that same as in Antwerp. “I’m gay,” Lucas says finally, and Jens snorts, holding back a _You don’t say_.

“Shut up,” Lucas laughs, swatting at his arm as though he said it out loud. Jens giggles, pushing him away before pulling him back in by his hand. Their shoulders bump and Lucas snickers, grabbing Jens’s wrist with his free hand and holding on. 

“Keep going,” Jens says, elbowing him. 

“I’m gay,” Lucas continues, “but I’m like, _gay_ gay, you know? Like I…” 

Jens squeezes his hand as he looks both ways at the crosswalk, tilting his head to look around Lucas. As they cross the street, Lucas sighs. 

“Like I love gay stuff. Like glitter, and flowers, and makeup, and…” He sighs again, looking somehow simultaneously distraught and relieved. “But my friends…”

“Are they homophobic?”

“No, they just, I don’t know. They’re bros.” 

Jens chuckles, nodding.

“I don’t know how they’d react if I showed up to school one day wearing eyeliner,” Lucas adds. 

“I think you should be able to do it if you want,” Jens says, glancing at him as they walk, their footsteps almost synced. “If they’re really good friends they won’t be weird about it.” He smiles when Lucas drops his head onto Jens’s shoulder for a second. “And for the record, I think you would look pretty with eyeliner.” 

He hears Lucas laugh and feels him press his smiling lips to his jaw. 

“I kind of feel the same way,” Jens says. “Like, I feel like I don’t know how my friends will react. Even though they’ll probably react just fine, I mean, one of them is gay and we all hang out with him and his boyfriend all the time. It’s just… not knowing.” 

“Yeah.”

“Stressful.” 

He turns and looks at Lucas, smiling, and Lucas tilts his chin up, looking at Jens’s lips, and Jens leans down, kissing him softly, easily, like they’re used to it. 

“You don’t seem stressed,” Lucas says after a second, a smile in his voice. 

Jens hums, looking back at him. His eyes are sparkling under the streetlamps. 

“Maybe not with you. You feel…” He trails off, not knowing how to explain it.

“Familiar,” Lucas fills in for him. 

“Yeah, exactly.” 

“ _Right?_ It feels like I know you already.” 

“Maybe we knew each other in a past life.” 

“I bet we did.” 

“Who were we?” 

“Fucking, uh…” Lucas laughs at himself, tilting his head back and looking at the sky. “Romeo and Juliet.” 

Jens laughs. “They’re fictional.”

“Fuck, you’re right. Uhm…” He sighs. “I have no idea. Who do you think?” 

“Fuck if I know, this isn’t history class.” 

“You asked me!” Lucas laughs and shoves at Jens, who catches his hand, laughing with him. 

“I can’t think of anyone!”

“I don’t think there’s been anyone in real life as star-crossed as Romeo and Juliet,” Lucas says, stepping in front of him and walking backwards, still holding his hand with both of his own. 

“Except us.” 

“Except us.” Lucas snaps and points at him, grinning, and Jens takes a second to look at his face under the moon and streetlights. He catches sight of freckles across his cheeks and nose, a mole above his lip that he saw earlier but didn’t get to appreciate under the flashing lights.

\- - - 

“So you’ve never been to Utrecht?” Lucas asks Jens before shoving three chips into his mouth. Jens shakes his head. 

“Nope. Just looked at the schedule at the Antwerp station and saw that it was leaving soon so I went for it.” 

“Oof.” Lucas swallows and Jens watches his throat move. “Audacious.”

“Mm-hmm. I’m adventurous as hell.”

“Clearly.”

They laugh, leaning into each other’s space absentmindedly, bumping shoulders and foreheads. 

After a few more silent second, Lucas stands, startling Jens. 

“Come on, I wanna take you somewhere.”

Jens swallows the chips, looking up at him. 

“Where?” 

“You’ll see.” 

Jens looks at him, his cheeky smile, raised eyebrows, sparkling eyes, and stands.

“Okay.” 

“Ooo, daredevil.”

“I trust you.”

Lucas’s smile softens at this, and he reaches out, grabbing Jens’s hand and pulling down the sidewalk, his other hand carrying a little paper box of chips. 

\- - - 

“Woah,” Jens breathes when they arrive. 

Lucas has taken him to a canal, a small one, and Jens can hear the water moving, sloshing up against the stone walls. It’s dark, the light from the moon and lamps reflecting and shifting on the surface of the water, looking like stars have dropped out of the sky, floating on the water. 

“It’s one of my favourite places, especially at night.”

“I get why,” Jens says softly, looking around. He can hear light wind rustling in the trees, shaking leaves like rattles, and he glances at Lucas. 

Who is looking at him, his head tilted as if in wonder. 

They look at each other for a few seconds, seemingly forgetting about the water and sky and the trees, and then Lucas tugs Jens’s hand. 

“Come on.”

Instead of leading him to a bench, Lucas pulls him to the water, letting go of his hand and sitting down at the edge, his legs swinging. Jens joins him, putting a hand behind Lucas’s back and staying there, leaning back onto his hand and looking up at the sky, listening. 

“So peaceful,” he whispers and Lucas hums. 

“It feels like living in a painting.”

Jens smiles, nodding, because, _yes, that’s exactly it_ , and he sighs, closing his eyes.

He doesn’t know what time it is, but it must be at least two in the morning; the moon was already hung high when he found the club, when he got a drink, which he never actually finished. 

But he isn’t worried about it. 

He can sleep on the train tomorrow.

And Lucas doesn’t seem worried about it either. 

So they stay there, sitting, breathing, existing. 

Jens feels the wind rustling his hair like the leaves, letting his legs dangle like a child on a swing. 

After a few minutes, he turns his head to look at Lucas.

He’s staring in front of himself, his eyes glassed over, unfocused, and Jens can’t tell what he’s looking at. He can’t read the expression on his face either, his brows furrowed slightly, his mouth relaxed, his breathing shallow and sharp, eyes unblinking even in the wind. 

“Lucas?” Jens sits up straight, tilting his head to look at him. Lucas takes in a breath and turns to look at him after a second, but his eyes don’t seem to focus on him, still dazed. “Are you okay?” Jens’s brows furrow and he reaches up, pushing a fallen curl out of Lucas’s face. 

Lucas looks at him, his eyes going up and down his face before he nods slowly. 

“Just…” He takes another, deeper, breath, lifting a hand and dropping it on his lap. “Spacey.” 

Jens expression must deepen, because Lucas smiles softly and he lifts the hand again, touching his forehead, just between his eyebrows, pressing and rubbing lightly. 

“It’s usually not that bad, but…” He pauses, dropping his hand, and it lands on Jens’s leg. He blinks repeatedly, like a camera shutter trying to focus. “It’s disorienting.” 

“Is there anything I can do?” Jens asks softly, brushing the backs of his fingers over Lucas’s cheek. 

A slow smile spreads across Lucas’s face and he leans in, pressing his lips to Jens’s. Jens’s eyes shut and he sighs, pressing his hand against Lucas’s warm skin, feeling as Lucas’s hand tightens on his leg, gripping the fabric of his sweatpants. Jens’s hand lifts from the ground and presses against the small of his back, pulling him in, as Lucas’s tongue brushes against his lip.

Lucas pulls away and Jens opens his eyes, watching as he shakes his head slowly. 

“Not really.” He sounds sleepy. “I just have to wait it out.” 

Jens kisses him again, catching his bottom lip between his, pulling away slowly, brushing his fingertips over Lucas’s freckles, scattered across his face like the stars in the water.

“I’ll wait with you.”


	3. something underneath this sun

Lucas doesn’t know what time it is. 

It must almost be morning, he thinks, but at the same time it could be just after ten. When he’s not in his body, everything gets muddled, even the placement of the stars in the sky.

At some point, Jens moves closer to him as they sit along the water, and their legs press against each other for a while before Lucas lifts his and places it over Jens’s, turning slightly. His leg swings, bounces against Jens’s, and he drops his head onto Jens’s shoulder, closing his eyes. It’s so quiet he can hear Jens’s breath, blending in the breeze, so quiet he can almost hear Jens’s heartbeat as Lucas tilts his head, pressing his forehead to the curve of Jens’s neck and listening. 

Jens’s hand drifts to Lucas’s leg, his fingertips gently scratching over his jeans, sending shoots of electricity through his veins, like Jens’s touch goes right through the fabric of his jeans, through his skin, zapping every cell in its path. His hand skims around his, moving to his back, gently pulling Lucas in closer before falling to the ground just behind him, propping Jens up and he turns in closer, his other hand finding its place on Lucas’s leg. Lucas sighs, his eyes still closed.

They fall into each other.

Jens leans on Lucas as much as Lucas leans on Jens, supporting each other and relying on each other. Lucas’s hand finds Jens’s, their fingers twisting around each other, and Jens brushes his thumb across the back of his hand. After a while (or maybe just a minute), Jens’s hand pulls away slightly as he adjusts himself, and Lucas clutches at his hand, tightening his grip and pulling his hand in close, against his chest, before he realises Jens is simply shifting, turning in closer to Lucas. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” Jens says softly, and Lucas can hear him smiling. He leans into his hand when Jens brushes his thumb across his cheekbone and then presses his palm to his face. Jens kisses him gently, slowly, and Lucas grips his hand harder, pulling him in. 

“When are you going back to Antwerp?” Lucas asks, whispering, when they separate. 

“Tomorrow.” 

Lucas opens his eyes, blinking in the sudden, dim light, and his eyes get used to it quickly, finding Jens’s, dark and shining, quickly. They gaze at each other for a second, both realising the same thing. They don’t know if it’s today or tomorrow.

“At nine,” Jens adds. 

“Nine?” 

“Mm-hmm.” 

“Don’t you need to go to sleep?” His thumb brushes over Jens’s hand, his grip having loosened, like he doesn’t want to let go. 

“I can sleep on the train.” 

“Mm.” Lucas leans in and kisses him, feeling him smile against Lucas’s mouth. He sighs, letting their foreheads press together. 

“What time is it?” he asks abruptly, lifting his head as an idea appears in his foggy mind. 

“Uhm…” 

Lucas lets go of Jens’s hand so Jens can tilt his body, reaching into his pocket, carefully pulling his phone out so he doesn’t drop it in the water. He looks at it, the blue-white brightness illuminating his serious face, his brows drawn together, his lips in an almost pout. He snorts after reading the screen and his face lightens as he looks up at Lucas.

“Almost five.”

“ _What?_ ”

Jens laughs as he carefully slides his phone back into the pocket of his sweatpants, nodding. Their legs tangle between them.

“Holy shit.” 

Jens moves closer when his phone is safe in his pocket and he places his hand back on Lucas’s chest, spreading his fingers so Lucas can wind his around them.

“I know.” 

“How long have we been here?” 

“No clue.” 

Lucas giggles, leaning in and pressing his forehead to Jens’s chest, feeling his chest move as he laughs. Jens leans down and rests his head on Lucas’s, kissing him quickly. 

“Do you wanna watch the sunrise?” Lucas asks quietly, listening to Jens’s steady, strong heartbeat. He almost things Jens doesn’t hear him at first, thinking the words are lost to wind and is about to ask again, louder, when Jens says, “Yeah.” 

Lucas lifts his head, looking up and seeing Jens’s eyes full of curiosity, of wonder. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, why not?” 

Lucas smiles giddily, kissing him quickly, and then again, slower. 

“Here?” Jens asks when they pull apart, brushing a curl out of Lucas’s face.

“No, I’m gonna take you somewhere.”

Jens’s eyes narrow and his head tilts, mocking suspicion as he rests his hand on Lucas’s neck, his fingertips cold against his skin. 

“Is this the part that you murder me with an axe?” 

Lucas snorts, kissing him quickly. 

“I don’t even know where I would get an axe if I wanted one.” 

Jens grins, kissing him again. 

“Where are we going?” 

“You’ll see.”

\---

Lucas leads him to the outside of a hotel and they look in through massive glass windows, Jens confused, and Lucas inspecting, searching.

The hotel is fancy, expensive, too expensive for Lucas to afford, the lights a glowing, wealthy white reflecting off of hard-looking white furniture and glass tables and counters. There’s a woman at the front desk. She looks tired, reaching up and rubbing her face before looking back down at the computer screen in front of her. The room is so bright that Lucas can’t even tell that the screen is alight, except from a glowing gleam across the woman’s eyes. 

“What are we doing?” Jens asks behind him, gently squeezing his hand. Lucas locks his fingers around Jens’s harder, pulling him closer, and Jens falls against his back, chuckling quietly. 

“Shhh,” Lucas hushes him, glancing at him with a grin, before looking back up at the woman.

After a minute, she looks up, scanning the lobby, and she misses Lucas in the window. She sighs, dropping her shoulders and stretching her neck before she turns and steps away from the desk, slipping into a door behind it. 

“Come on,” Lucas says, pulling Jens behind him as he makes his way to the front door, letting go of Jens’s hand to carefully push it open, looking up to see if there’s a bell. When he sees that there isn’t, he pushes it open all the way, stepping to the side and holding it open for Jens, who follows him, his eyes wide with amusement.

“What are we doing?” he asks, whispering.

“Elevator, go,” Lucas whispers back, letting the front door shut and pointing to the elevator. He glances back to the door, half-expecting the sleepy desk clerk to come back in, wondering how she’d react, if she’d let them go to the roof just for the sunrise or if she’d get mad. “Go, come on.” He smiling, grinning, and Jens’s eyes are still wide, the corners of them crinkling under the beginning of a smile. 

They go, waiting impatiently for the elevator to arrive after pressing the _up_ button. When the doors slide open, revealing a red velvet-walled, mirrored interior, Jens is looking behind himself, at the front desk, and Lucas snatches his arm, tugging him into the elevator and quickly pressing the button for the roof, feeling the floor shake as Jens stumbles in after him. 

The doors shut, the elevator jostles, and Jens bursts out laughing, sounding like he’s been holding it in. He pulls at Lucas’s arm, pulling him in close before wrapping his own arms around his neck, still shaking with laughter. 

“What?” Lucas says, laughing as well, setting his hands on Jens’s waist and gripping his jacket. 

Jens pulls away, looking at his face. 

“You’re fucking fearless.”

Lucas laughs, kissing him. 

“That’s just a nice way to say reckless,” he says when he pulls away, and Jens tilts his head back and forth, nodding. 

“I mean, yeah.” 

As Lucas laughs, Jens slips his hands to Lucas’s neck, pulling him in and kissing him again, gently biting his lower lip. Lucas sighs, relaxing into the kiss, wrapping his arms, pressing against the small of his back so Jens falls against him. Lucas lets Jens’s tongue pry his mouth open, hoping, _praying_ , that the doors don’t open, that nobody walks in, because he _really_ doesn’t want to stop. 

A small noise escapes Jens when Lucas sucks his lower lip, something soft, between a whimper and a whine, and Lucas smiles, licking his lip before pulling back. Jens’s eyes stay shut, his lips parted, as if asleep. Lucas lifts his hands, smoothing his fingertips across Jens’s blooming cheeks. Jens’s eyes open when Lucas’s thumb brushes across his mouth. 

“You’re so pretty,” he mumbles, his eyes drooping shut, and Lucas scoffs, feeling his face heat up. 

“Shut the fuck up.” He leans up, pressing his mouth back against Jens’s, and Jens’s arms drop from his neck, sliding to his chest, pressing against him and pushing him gently against the mirrored wall. Lucas hums, holding onto Jens’s jaw as their mouths open again, feeling Jens’s hands slip across his chest to his waist, unzipping his jacket until it falls open, and then his hands crawl to his hips, his fingertips creeping under Lucas’s shirt. Lucas shivers, letting Jens’s tongue into his mouth and sliding his hands up to Jens’s hair, tugging gently. 

The elevator lurches, stopping, and they pull apart, startled. The doors slide open, and they both exhale in relief, falling against each other when there’s no one standing outside. Instead, the outside is revealed, a plain, pavement-looking ground broken by a bright blue, glowing swimming pool. The sky is still mostly dark, spotted with fading stars. 

“My heart is beating so fast,” Jens says breathlessly as Lucas scans the roof, and Lucas laughs, equally breathless. He can’t help but feel a small pang of satisfaction as he looks at Jens, his pink cheeks, his tousled hair. 

“Come on,” Lucas says, pulling him out of the elevator, and Jens follows, the elevator doors shutting behind them. It’s quiet. They can hear the sounds of the city below them, the silence of space above them, cars and busses and traffic and voices mixing with wind and the noiseless buzz of the stars. 

“It’s beautiful,” Jens says, looking over the metal barred barrier between them and the ledge. Lucas nods, even though Jens isn’t looking at him. 

“The sun should be here soon.”

As Jens leans against the barrier, Lucas pulls his phone out of his pocket, looking at his notifications. 

_Luc, where did you go??_  
_bro, we said we’d be right back_  
_lmaooo did you leave???_  
_omg i think he did_  
_i knew he was kinda out of it tonight but like…_  
_lluuuuuccccc can you at least tell us you havent been hit by a car or something_

Lucas snickers to himself, not seeing Jens turn and smile at him, and types a response. 

_asdksadaskfh im so sorry i dont remember you saying youd be back_  
_no vehicles have hit me as of now thank you for your concern_

He slides his phone back into his pocket and joins Jens, resting his elbows on the gate. 

“What happened?” Jens asks, seeing his lingering smile, and Lucas shakes his head, chuckling. 

“I accidentally ditched my friends at the club.” 

“Are you serious?” Jens’s eyebrows raise and he winces, smiling. 

“Yeah,” Lucas says after he laughs again. “Jayden said they said they’d be back but I don’t remember.” 

“I mean you have been pretty spacey all night.” 

“Mm.”  
“What did they say?” Jens asks. 

“Just wondering where I went and making sure I haven’t died.” 

“Oh, that’s nice of them.”

“Yeah, they’re so nice.” It comes out more sarcastically than he intends, and he makes a face as Jens scoffs, leaning forward and pressing his forehead to Lucas’s. Lucas moves closer, sliding his arms along the gate until he links his arm with Jens’s, slipping it under Jens’s and lacing their fingers loosely. Jens drops his head to Lucas’s shoulder, and Lucas sees that his eyes are shut when he glances down. He lets his own head fall to Jens’s, smiling softly. He closes his own eyes, feeling peaceful, quiet. 

When he finally feels the sun, sees the soft, warm, red light glowing through his eyelids, he opens his eyes, catching the sun rising over wispy clouds, over towering buildings. 

“Jens,” he says gently, shrugging his shoulder just enough to move Jens’s head, and Jens lifts his head, opening his eyes. 

“Oh,” he breathes, and Lucas thinks _yeah_.

The sky is orange over the horizon, fading into a soft, dark blue, clouds scattered across like God tossed them without looking. It looks like a painting, Lucas thinks, and he gazes almost intensely like he’s trying to commit it to memory. The sun reflects off of buildings, harsh glowing gold piercing Lucas’s vision. 

Lucas takes his phone from his pocket and takes a photo before leaning away from Jens, unlacing their hands, and turning his phone so it’s facing him. 

“Smile,” he says after sneaking a photo without telling him, a photo of his profile, his expression soft and relaxed, looking happy. He makes Lucas’s heart beat slower. 

When he sees the camera facing him, Jens pulls the hood of his sweatshirt over half his face, closing his eyes and lifting his other hand into a peace sign, making Lucas shake his head, smiling as he snaps a picture, and then snaps another when Jens drops the hood, uncovering his face. His skin is glowing under the sunlight, looking like honey, and there’s a shine in his eyes when Lucas lowers his phone. 

He kisses him. 

Again.

\---

When they manage to sneak back out of the hotel, blending in with guests checking out, stifling laughter until they get outside, Jens holds his hand the whole way to the train station, their hands in the pocket of Jens’s hoodie. At first, Lucas laughs, but he’s grateful for the warmth of the fabric and of Jens’s hand as he softly strokes the back of Lucas’s hand, like he’s done it for years. 

They talk. 

Lucas tells him about Kes and Jayden, about Isa and Liv, and Jens tells him about Robbe and Moyo and Aaron, Lucas tells him about school and why he hates it (it’s hard to pay attention, especially when he’s spacey, and he misses lots of what his teachers say), and Jens squeezes his hand before telling him about school and why he likes it (he likes learning, and it’s nice to be away from home). Lucas tells him about his favourite places, aside from the river, a skatepark he likes to go to at night. (He realises as he tells Jens that most places he likes, he likes to go to at night.)

“It’s like the whole world is asleep,” he says as they cross a street, witnessing the world just waking up. There are men and women in suits, looking down at their phones and watches or up at the sky, as though trying to savour the sunlight before entering an office. There are kids walking with their parents, some walking sleepily, their feet dragging, others walking giddily, bouncing as they walk, rambling to their tired parents. There are people walking dogs, a woman carrying a cat, an old man on a bench with a bag of birdseed. There are cars and bikes and scooters and skateboard, music pumping out of rolled-down windows and bleeding out of headphones with the volume too high. Lucas sighs. Although he does prefer a sleepy world, perhaps being awake isn’t so bad either. 

Jens tells him about skateparks he wants to take Lucas to when Lucas comes to Antwerp. “Because you do have to come, you’re legally required to,” he says, and Lucas laughs before kissing his cheek. 

They say goodbye just before Jens gets on the train, keeping every last second possible, their hands still locked between them. Jens remembers, very suddenly, that he needs Lucas’s phone number before he goes. 

“Can you imagine if we didn’t get each other’s numbers before I went?” he asks as Lucas carefully types his number into Jens’s phone. 

“I don’t even want to.” 

He doesn’t. He almost shudders just thinking about it, about the idea of going back home without a way to talk to Jens, without a way to make plans with him to meet again. 

They kiss before Jens boards the train. 

And they wave as the train departs. 

And Lucas smiles. 

It isn’t goodbye. 

It’s still strange, he knows, that he met this boy about twelve hours ago, and he already feels like home. 

_Save that heart for me_  
_And {boy} I'll give you everything you need (everything you need)_  
_Here's to our past lives, our mothers and fathers_  
_Our love is deeper than the oceans of water_  
_I need you now, I've waited oh so long_


End file.
